• Home
  • About

Marcela: Unfiltered

~ living out loud…

Marcela: Unfiltered

Tag Archives: Fear

Image

The longer I Live, the More I abhor Patriotism.

01 Monday Jul 2019

Tags

Canada Day, ethnocentrism, Fear, love and hate, patriotism, racism

 Oscar Wilde Said:

“Patriotism is the last refuge of the scoundrel.”

He was a very clever man, and I still won’t, can’t, wave a Patriot flag!

I love Canada. a handful of years ago today, as a matter of fact, I was on many airplanes, traveling back to Canada from a going home(s) tour with the two humans I love most, my mother and my ManChild. We (my mom, dad and brother and I) came as refugee-immigrants when I was 7 and I have lived here on and off for almost 4 decades of my almost 58 years on this planet. I also love the Czech Republic. I was born there when it was still Czechoslovakia and we lived there until the former Soviet Union chose to liberate us, with their tanks and their army. (BOOM! Think about this, no, I mean just think about why they thought they could/should roll in, in the context of this missive). And, I love Switzerland. I lived there for 13 years while trying to escape me and the internal stuff I carried from happenings to and around me in the Czech Republic and Canada.

All of these places are home to me, the various towns and cities I have inhabited in these countries are all my ‘home-towns,’ and I make only the distinction that one of them is/was my original home town, because I was born there. I made connections, I loved, I lost, I laughed, I cried, I worked, I got married, I got divorced, I had a child, I raised step children, I fucked up, I cleaned up my messes, I did it all again. I LIVED, functioned, contributed, in all of these places.

From the time I was a small child I could not, for the life of me, understand the vigor with which some of the natural born-natives, and I use that term loosely, of these countries, posited their better-dom (yes, that is a word), over other folks, including quasi-Canadians, wanna-be Swiss, or even smarter-than-the-Slovaks-Czechs, when we were still one country.

This is important: I am not ungrateful to have had a place like Canada to come to when those pushy Soviets rolled in so rudely, as I sat on my grandma Mrnka’s knee in Karlovy Vary, on that memorable August day in 1968 (revisit BOOM, here). I am not ungrateful to have had an opportunity to live and love in Switzerland (even if I had to marry an asshole to do it in the beginning), when I found myself in serious peril as the result of keeping the company of some very unsavoury Vancouverites, and had to conduct a speedy exit. I am not ungrateful that years later, I was able to return to the place my dad traded his life for, in order that my brother and mom and I, could have one.

My point, quick and dirty: I am not a patriot. The word itself, its etymology and various incarnations are problematic for me, but you can check it out for yourself. There is little tying said word to the commonalities we share with every single, culture and ethnicity on this planet, patience, I am getting there. I am also not ethnocentric. Again, please do check out its origins. From patriotism to ethnocentricity we come to: there is no space in those two ways of being, without crossing the line of racism. I do my damn-est not to be a racist. Admittedly, I have had it much easier as an outsider sporting my lily white skin, fitting into ‘foreign’ cultures like Canada and Switzerland, and other countries I have visited, than individuals of a different epidermal hue, and I recognize this as an unearned privilege. Three words, patriotism, ethnocentricity, racism: all connected, all lead to every single one of the world issues we have going on, in combination of why most wars are actually waged. War is not about peace and freedom is not, cannot be, about taking it away from others. Wealth is not about raping and pillaging this planet’s resources so the superior folks have (more than) enough by creating poverty and suffering, and then blaming those whose suffering they have created, for their inadequacy.

From where I sit, we are one type of two-legged, upright humanoid with a number of sub-types based on geography and culture, one home world as we know it. The research is not united, and frankly I don’t actually give a flying fuck about whether we all stem from one woman somewhere in the African desert, if we are all mongrels, or if any or all of us are aliens who came in on the Tardis with Dr. Who. Genetic research ought to be used well for all our benefit, not abused to create more reasons for fear and hate of ‘other.’ Everything else is politically and socially constructed and geographically determined, and more importantly, it is driven by the almighty dollar, dinar, koruna, frank, euro, gold, silver, shit, call it what you will. It is about money, power and fear mongering, fundamentalism, fanaticism and greed, plain old, greed, and better-than-ism. Yes, that is a word, also.

So no, I still won’t fly my patriot flag today, or any other day, at least not any higher than I would for anywhere else I have enjoyed living, or visited.

~Marcela: Unapologetically yours, and with the utmost gratitude for all my home(s), past, present and future, cause I’m not done here yet.

Edited: July 01, 2019, from original, written July 01, 2016

(Post image courtesy of Google search ‘earth heart.’)

Share this:

  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window)
  • Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window)
  • Click to print (Opens in new window)
  • More
  • Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Skype (Opens in new window)

Posted by ~MyLa | Filed under My World(s), Rants & Other Musings: Unfiltered-Raw

≈ 6 Comments

Image

Remnants

05 Tuesday Jun 2018

Tags

Fear, Humanity, Personal Power, Poetry, Truth

 

 
Remnants

Like an old (Czech) flag in the wind,
tattered remnants of fear,
flap relentlessly,
in the recesses of my heart and mind;
denounce and decry my worthiness of,
the unorthodox life I crave.

Whispers the fearless wild-child inside,
“…burn the flag woman, burn the damned flag.”


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
With thoughts of my maternal grandmother, Žofie Schlosser Ševčíková, 
June 06, 1911 – November 17, 1995. 
She was inordinately dignified and quite literally worked her fingers to
the bone for my mother and her. She did it while standing up to, 
and then leaving (unheard of at that time), a violently abusive, 
alcoholic husband. She did it during a time in war-torn Eastern Europe 
most of us cannot fathom, no matter how many history books we profess 
to have read. She was profoundly gifted in languages,and well-read. 
She toiled with her tiny body and life-worn hands,in a way we, of more
recent generations cannot know. One of the things I remember most about
her is the importance to her, of quality, in everything. And I wonder, 
knowing what I know about the drudgery, the losses, the sacrifices that 
were the bulk of her life, I wonder, given the opportunity to ask her 
about what she would have done differently, had she the chance to be 
anyone,to do anything,she desired,what that would have been.
I am anxious this day,and she came to my mind. 
She was born 107 years ago. A mere blip on the radar of our Universe, 
not known to most, but remembered well, by me and my mama,her daughter, 
this day.
~Marcela: tattered in the process of (more, always more,) unfurling.

Writing: All Rights Reserved / Image: Google Search
June 06, 2018

 

 

Share this:

  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window)
  • Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window)
  • Click to print (Opens in new window)
  • More
  • Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Skype (Opens in new window)

Posted by ~MyLa | Filed under Poetry

≈ Leave a comment

Image

Craizy-Daizy…

22 Wednesday Jun 2016

Tags

Fear, Love, Personal Power, Poetry

So I sat there making daisy-chains

while you played with the hand grenade

that detonated in my heart

their yellow-white all innocence

belying your true impotence

and the rage of disappointment

a wildflower in captivity

held in the thinly veiled depravity

of the ancient ruse called love

but this here flow’ring maiden

less lackadais(y)cal than brazen

weathers this next storm

~Marcela: standing ground, because it’s not all sunshine’n daisies in here…

Share this:

  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window)
  • Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window)
  • Click to print (Opens in new window)
  • More
  • Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Skype (Opens in new window)

Like this:

Like Loading...

Posted by ~MyLa | Filed under Poetry, The 'L' Word, Unfettered

≈ Leave a comment

Image

My Valiant Purple Heart

15 Tuesday Mar 2016

Tags

Courage, Fear, Humanity, Love

PurpleHeart

 

 

 

 

 

I know you not, love
For you come to me disguised

I get you not, love
For you speak to me in forked tongues

I hear you not, love
For you whisper to me screaming

I see you not, love
For you obscure my vision

I taste you not, love
For your sapor is but acrid

I smell you not, love
For your scent is cheap perfume

I feel you not, love
For your touch is numbing absence

I fear you not, love
For I have a valiant, purple heart.

~Marcela: undone
March 15, 2016

Image credit: Vinoth Chandar

Retrieved from:http://www.bbc.com/earth/story/20160212-the-unexpected-origin-of-love

Share this:

  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window)
  • Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window)
  • Click to print (Opens in new window)
  • More
  • Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Skype (Opens in new window)

Posted by ~MyLa | Filed under Poetry, The 'L' Word

≈ Leave a comment

Image

Ashley Madison: Why did it become so popular to cheat?

08 Friday Jan 2016

Tags

Ashley Madison, Cheating, Fear, Life, Love, Monogamy, Relationships, Secrets & Lies, Truth

I recently signed on as a blogger for a fundraising effort for the YWCA, The Rose Project. The  myriad issues facing women young and old, are addressed here, and very near and dear to my heart, in more ways than I can articulate. This is the first post of many I have in the works in support of this effort. Please check out the site, contribute with your hard-earned cash as you can, and enjoy some really good reading, written by some really smart folks.

AshleyMadisonIn the course of my informal social research on Ashley Madison (AM), I formulated the following thoughts: Monogamy is a personal choice, morality is pliable at best, and utterly subjective at worst, so these two concepts in and of themselves offer little in the way of answers to the question at hand. I have turned this question over in my mind to the point of distraction, and put it forward to my various networks. There is little consensus and so many opinions that I could have written a book, but I was able to pick up on several themes.

It seems to me, and apparently to others, that when we choose to be in a committed, monogamous, relationship, whether dating, common-law, or religiously and legally sanctioned by marriage, we have entered an agreement with our partner, to be, duh, monogamous.

The folks I communicated with agreed that the trademarked AM tagline is very telling and I keep coming back to it, and its underlying messages: “Life is short. Have an affair.” I believe that at least part of what is so attractive to people about AM and similar sites, is that at the core, we have become a culture of entitlement. One in which everything has become a matter of fun, adventure, personal rights and deservingness, and the pervasive attitude that everything, including humans, is replaceable. If we’re not getting what we want from what and whom we have in our lives, we can get a new one, a better one, a different one, and it’s OK, AM says so! Life is short after all; we should have our cake and eat it too! Our wants have become perceived as needs, and perhaps, a growing laziness to do any real personal work, driven by unrealistic expectations of love and good relationships, are also at play. In Why Women Cheat: A Married Man goes Undercover on Ashley Madison, Charles J. Orlando discovers that many of the women want more (attention) than they have in their committed relationships, but are unwilling to leave their partner for any number of seemingly valid reasons; including standards of living provided by a spouse, staying for the kids, staying for social standing, and the like. It feels like a copout to me. My professional life informs me that well-adjusted, separated/divorced adults can provide great co-parenting, and come to good decisions about money, without living, and modeling, a lie.

The other question I keep coming back to? Why would I commit, lead my partner to believe that I want a monogamous relationship, when I don’t? What happened to just being straight up? Even if I have simply changed my mind about what kind of relationship I want? What has happened to personal integrity? I am reminded of the simple, but oh-so-difficult-to-live-by Four Agreements by Miguel Ruiz, specifically, Agreement One: Be Impeccable With Your Word. Translation: be honest; don’t lie, don’t deceive, if you have agreed to be in a monogamous relationship, don’t cheat; you have given your word.

The Truth About Love... When I polled my friends and colleagues about their experiences with cheating, most admitted to having done it, and for the record, I have too. We all had various reasons and justifications, but the common threads in this piece of my social research are that we subscribe to monogamy, none of us felt/feel good about having done it, and all of us had intense guilt shame about it. Many of these folks also thought that any culturally accurate answer to the question of why it has become so popular to cheat, needed to examine how our core values in relation to throw-away mentality, has changed over time and in the age of consumerism, (perceived but unattainable) perfection, better, bigger, more.

Stuart D., the one public responder on my personal Facebook page, to a request for perspectives on why AM has become so popular, resonated strongly with my own thoughts about consumerism and the commodification and quantification of everything in our culture. He offered what is for me, a stunning insight into how sites like AM are contributing to the consume/commodify everything mindset, and how that is related to our ability to perpetrate violence: “Once we accept that people can be used and tossed aside violence is a very short step away if we are unhappy or unfulfilled in any way.”

I would add to that the scintillation of an adventure in a life fraught with responsibilities and meaninglessness, the (false) promise of complete anonymity (read: secrecy) because it’s the Internet, the pretense of no harm no foul, and the road to all willing infidels is paved in gleaming gold. In some ways, it is the Eldorado to feed the core of human greed; it offers the appearance of something (extra), and risking nothing. It has been my experience in life and love, that the greatest risk (and reward) of all is the vulnerability created with complete honesty and transparency in relationships. And maybe, just maybe, that is another of the possible answers to the question; Why it has it become so popular… to cheat? Perhaps it is because sites like AM provide the seeming opportunity of getting something, without risking anything, but most especially, not our oh-so-vulnerable hearts, and the potential of someone seeing our truest self.

And then there is the entire issue of AM and similar sites being an ‘online’ thing, and the disturbing trend of psychological disconnect that happens for folks in online interactions, and falsely feed ideas that these interactions are not as bad as engaging in person, even when ultimately, the encounters often become real time and real life, real cheating.

I invite you to consider the quote about Love in the image attached to these thoughts and share your perspectives on it, as well as the following questions:

Do you think that cheating is so popular through an online venue because folks feel as though because it was instigated online, it isn’t as bad?

Do you know anyone who has used sites like AM and what was their experience?

What are your thoughts on making an informed and thought out decision to use a site like AM, after having committed to a monogamous relationship?

What do you think about current cultural norms of replacing what is, or feels broken, as opposed to working on or fixing it?

~Marcela.

Images/Quotes:

https://www.ashleymadison.com

Love is something Different – Melanie J. Williams

 

 

 

 

 

Share this:

  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window)
  • Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window)
  • Click to print (Opens in new window)
  • More
  • Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Skype (Opens in new window)

Posted by ~MyLa | Filed under Commentaries: On what matters to me

≈ Leave a comment

Image

Pyre (o’maniac)

02 Saturday Jan 2016

Tags

Fear, Life, Love, Poetry

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Derailed, discombobulated
hamster wheel for a brain,
drives my treasonous
heart
that run-amok freight train.

Incessant, the thoughts
constant and circular
brain matter
detonates
fuse lit by vernacular.

Disillusioned, with Life
and other L words,
I question
reality
is flying high for the birds?

Wakeful, I fret
over this, about that,
rue and
regret
engaging with gnats.

Diminished, extinguished?
the yearnings and flames,
all stealth and sneak
fear
stakes a new claim.

Vehement, (m)utterings
implore a but smouldering fire,
(re)torch that heart
woman
get back up on your pyre!

~MyLa: unfettered and spinning, yarns…
(01, 2016)

… t’was a most fitful night… brain ran in circles, how fitting the photo I snapped accidentally on my beloved trail yesterday… and as I coined another fretful ditty, this thought slapped me upside the head: the point is, nothing in my life, ever, has occurred in any sort of logical order, but particularly not in any sort of expected, culturally appropriate, or accepted order or manner. So how could I possibly write about any of it that way? And KaPow, with a random meme about the next 365 days, and a most productive night of wakefulness, the Year of Fly, and the next great thing, is born in the never ending purgastory, that is my 24-7 brain. Stick around and help me feed this baby, give this dragon, (unicorn?) wings. Or don’t. The next level of Unfiltered is coming, either way.

Share this:

  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window)
  • Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window)
  • Click to print (Opens in new window)
  • More
  • Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Skype (Opens in new window)

Posted by ~MyLa | Filed under Poetry, Unfettered

≈ Leave a comment

Image

Jump; into this dis-ordered life!

24 Saturday Oct 2015

Tags

Fear, Life, Love, Mental Health, Poetry, Suicide

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This love and life are schizophrenic
confusing and bizarre
a psychotic freight train run-a-mok
searching for its freight train cars

This love and life are melancholia
contradictory depths and shallows
understated hyperbole
its verdant fields all fallow

This love and life are so neurotic
too bad – too good – too much – too small
plod and slog along that edge
‘til through the cracks we fall

This love and life are paranoid
para-normal even
monsters lurk ’round every corner
something to believe in

This love and life are anxious
fear this – fear that – fear self
hide that heart way up on high
up on the highest shelf

This love and life are O C D
chaos seeks control
prim and perfect to appear
lest the death knell tolls

This love and life are risky
unsafe and oh-so-perilous
jump to me – come off that ledge
else each breath be but vicarious

~Marcela; unfinished
For my work kid Einstein, with so much gratitude that we get to keep flying in the Tardis together, and all the others who have walked the edge, stood on the ledge, and for those who jumped and didn’t have us to catch them, in time.
October 24, 2015

This past week the Universe conspired to connect so many experiences and events in the various worlds I occupy; with a semi-colon. In the wee hours of another fitful and anxious night I struggled to turn off the demons; the ones I bring home from work more often than not. Those of the work-folks I care for so deeply, and my own. At four a.m. it was clear that the demons were not to be tamed, so I chose to get up and write them out in the form of this ditty. Later that morning I came upon the art and heart of one John Finn and found another kindred spirit via my big brother Tom. That work day consisted of 9 relatively unexpected hours in a hospital with the 12-year-old work kid I will call Einstein. The demons were so loud, so overwhelming, that this brilliant and beautiful child wanted to die. I need to get one, a semi-colon tattoo; for Einstein, for me, for you, for all the work-kids, for their parents, for so many people I have known and loved, for Marilyn, for Robin Williams, for Dorothy Parker and for Sylvia Plath, just some of the people who move me so deeply, long after their time here ran out. Get one too? Come on, I double-dog-dare you!

Image: “Pause” Courtesy of the Über-talented John Finn.

Share this:

  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window)
  • Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window)
  • Click to print (Opens in new window)
  • More
  • Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Skype (Opens in new window)

Posted by ~MyLa | Filed under In the Service of Other Humans, Poetry

≈ 4 Comments

Image

Of Virgins and snow

30 Wednesday Sep 2015

Tags

Fear, Love, Poetry

Ice Tears - Norway

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

T’was a night before morning
and all through this life
the nightmare before daytime
gifts no end of strife

Ghosts of then ghouls of now
haunt an overwrought soul
a confusing cacophony
words falling, pits of black coal

Tides and torrents
tumble in and gush out
run down cheeks in hot streams
throat swallows shut

Blue eyes query wildly
what the fuck goes on here?
silenced voice screaming
your fears, we live near!

Embrace them, relinquish
hold on tight but let go
you are the virgin
they drove into that snow.

~Myla: Melting.

September 30, 2015

Image

Share this:

  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window)
  • Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window)
  • Click to print (Opens in new window)
  • More
  • Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Skype (Opens in new window)

Like this:

Like Loading...

Posted by ~MyLa | Filed under Poetry

≈ Leave a comment

Image

Contradictions… III

21 Monday Sep 2015

Tags

Fear, Life, Love, Poetry, Power, Self

female-fragment-1.PaigeBradley

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Contradictions… III

I am…
…loosely cemented… no, inured and secured… of far sighted vision… sight lines fully obscured… entire… no partial… I cower… no rise… small silly child… no, crone oh-so -wise… zig zag and waver… no, I walk a strong gait… run to a finish line… no (im)patiently wait… emptiness, hollow… fill my bottomless soul… stubborn… no willing… fragmented… no whole… pieces of puzzles falling down to a floor… fall apart… no together… build a wall… no, a door… treasure inside… open it, open it… no, slam it shut… should have known better… Pandora! You slut.

~Myla: unknowingly certain.
September 21, 2015

Image: Female Fragment, with masses of love and gratitude for the art of Paige Bradley

 

Share this:

  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window)
  • Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window)
  • Click to print (Opens in new window)
  • More
  • Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Skype (Opens in new window)

Posted by ~MyLa | Filed under Poetry, The 'L' Word, Unfettered

≈ 2 Comments

Contradictions… II

21 Monday Sep 2015

Posted by ~MyLa in Poetry, The 'L' Word, Unfettered

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Contradictions, Fear, Life, Love

TwistedFemale.2.PaigeBradley

 

 

 

 

 

 

Contradictions II

I am…
…of a clear mind… and also perplexed… and running… no motionless… brain overly flexed… silent tears flow in rivers… down this young weathered face… each chases another… a perverse little race… I smile… no grimace… and laugh… no wail… quiet refrain… screams fail, epic fail… I see… no I’m blind… I am cruel… no I’m kind… I am twisted… no straight… occupy rooms full of love… an abandoned house full of hate… agnostic… no atheist… tempting fate, tempting fate…

~Myla: unknowing.
September 21, 2015

Image: Twisted Female No. 2, with masses of love and gratitude for the art of Paige Bradley

Share this:

  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window)
  • Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window)
  • Click to print (Opens in new window)
  • More
  • Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Skype (Opens in new window)

Image

Social Working On the Wing of a Dragon…

09 Wednesday Jul 2014

Tags

Fear, Humanity, judgment, Life, Love, Pathology, Social Work

Image from personal photos

Image from personal photos, Karlovy Vary, CZ – M.M. June, 2014

The drug addicts, the homeless, the mentally ill and deranged, the alcoholics, the beautifully and frighteningly crazy, the abusers, the molesters, the abused, the victimized, the rich, the poor, the privileged, the socially acceptable, the educated, the illiterate, the marginalized and stigmatized, the famous and the infamous: these are my clients. I have a deeply personal and profound understanding of how we, yes all of us, get to how we get, get to where we got. Whatever that looks like in (y)our respective world(s). I look for context, I pay attention, I listen to, I hear the story, I feel the pain. I give a damn. Really, I give a damn.

I endeavor to keep my own experience out of it, for contrary to popular belief, it is not useful, and it clouds my ability to see them (you) clearly. Moving me out as much as possible allows me to do my job with no judgment, and come at the problem from the perspective that the problem is the problem, manifesting in a person’s life, not the view that the person is the embodiment of the problem. This is how I can come at it from the only fair place there is, from humanity and heart, and with deep compassion, no matter the struggle, the crime, the heinousness of it all, personal, familial, cultural, political, systemic. I treat them with some dignity; it is often their first time, ever.

When I posted these words to one of my personal social media pages, in their brief, raw, unedited and in the moment-version following two extremely heart-wrenching work days, I received wonderfully upbeat and positive feedback, and the word amazing was used by many of my friends to describe me, and how I do my job.

Yes, there are days when it feels that way, but more often than not, my work reality (and by extension other parts of my life), are not always amazing, unless of course I modify it to amazingly painful. There are too many days when I am, as judged as the people I work with, for understanding, for not being disgusted with why they are seeking my professional services, for caring, about their humanity in really tough situations. Let me be clear, I am judged, I do not, simply feel that way.

The more you can increase fear of drugs, crime, welfare mothers, immigrants and aliens, the more you control all of the people. -Noam Chomsky

For you see, there are different levels of acceptability in terms of compassion and empathy, and as a human-helper type, it appears that I am afforded the right to feel these emotions for some, but not for others. The criteria for discerning between those deserving of my understanding or indifference, and by extension my very best, most creative and heartfelt professional services, you know, human services, as opposed to more of the big-box they find in our systems; is entirely dependent on the nature of their struggle. Whether or not it is deemed as self or other inflicted, socially acceptable, or a current taboo, their socio-economic position in the world, are they deserving or undeserving poor, their ethnicity, their skin colour, their perceived level of (dis)ability, their level of formal education, and other socially constructed boxes, assumptions and norms. What a joke. What an excruciatingly painful joke, on me, on them, on all of us.

Make no mistake: my clients (or as I refer to them, the folks I work for), are you, me, and everyone else that you can imagine. They are NOT those people, them, they are us. And if you don’t believe that you and I fit into the same box, I will urge you to check, and make certain that you are indeed, human.

I’m pissed, and let me clear; I am not an angry person (any more). As we know, anger is a secondary emotion, and mine, 99.9% of the time, is the cover emotion to spiritual, emotional, and/or psychological pain. It wounds my heart, damages my spirit, and hurts my brain, when I am weighed down with the shackles of the box. You know, the one I keep blowing up, but find myself repeatedly stuffed into. For it is continuously in the process of being reconstructed, remodeled, and renovated, using ever more covert methods to try and fool me, and you, into thinking that it is OK to think about, and treat some people, and animals and plants for that matter, better than others. The hu(man) created hierarchy of love and deserving-ness, our, their, your, relative importance in this world. The socially and politically created rules and contracts, belief systems, propaganda, and dogma, that are fed to us, explicitly and implicitly, in boxed media like CNN, FOX and essentially any network ‘news’ program, airing on what truly has become the idiot box, or printed in any mainstream newspaper and/or magazine, and so much bullshit on the internet.

The toxic fodder of judgment and victim blaming, are either gingerly spoon fed me (and you) in a manner so devious yet transparent that I am not certain whether to rejoice at my ability to see it, or despair at the greasiness of it, or it is rammed down my throat so overtly and aggressively that it feels as though the proverbial pitchfork is choking every last piece of civility and compassion out of my person. There is very little middle ground in how I am viewed where my position and outlook on the human condition is concerned. I am either a saint, amazing and awesome because I help those people, you know, the ones who deserve my help and (y)our compassion; or I am a bitch and sympathizer of bad and evil wrongdoers, you know, the ones who created their own and other’s misery, the ones not worthy of any kind of hand up, human understanding, effort, or absolution; Ever.

The skills and tools I use to survive and thrive in the worlds (work and personal) that I occupy, are accessible to us all, but too often, from where I sit, misused. Utilized as the means to a personal, self-centered end that has nothing to do with anyone but one’s own need for justification and rationalization of the atrocities of the world we live in, the comfort and ease of continuing to ignore how our every action and inaction, impacts/contributes to, the lives and misery of others, near and far.

Every single day; I go into my life (and others’) on a wing and prayer. The wing of a dragon called Love and the wrongfully attributed prayer of St. Francis. I know, for a non-religious spiritualist, leaning more and more toward atheism, this is a stretch, but it works. It allows me to get out of my own way and do my job, well.  I have come to rely on a personally modified version of what I prefer to call a mantra as opposed to a prayer, really, I cannot pray to any ‘master,’ I beg the gods of the dragon world I escape to, because come on, dragons are cool, to help me get through the day without in turn, judging the judgers, hating the haters, carrying that weight to the already overburdened folks I serve, and then wearing it home to try and deal with on my own, and worse, dumping it on the people closest to me.

If you know anything about me at all, you will know that I hold the dubious privilege of insider knowledge and experience, as it pertains to many of my work people’s pain (Manifesto of Pain and Personal Power) and I mean from the hurting perspectives of both victim and victimizer. I was harmed, and a dearth of effective coping skills and tools, however honestly earned, led me to harming others. Primarily the people I love most, the ones who love me, relied on me most, self included.

Please, make no mistake, this is not an exercise in self flagellation, though to this day, I do still excel in that sport; it is a way of making a point. So let’s get to that shall we? I know, you are waiting… context, it is all about context my friends, and that, I know, can feel truly cumbersome. For it is much simpler to jump to a conclusion, exclude any context, build and insert any given human and their actions into a box, make a decision about who someone is, why they did what they did and thus, feel better about self and our own shortcomings.

As long as the general population is passive, apathetic, diverted to consumerism or hatred of the vulnerable, then the powerful can do as they please, and those who survive will be left to contemplate the outcome.”   -Noam Chomsky

So, the point: the most difficult part of my work day is not what I do with the folks who pay me for support in sorting out their lives, it is everyone’s opinion of them, of me, and of my position on any given social-worky-human-service issue and by immediate extension, my position on and compassion for, the individuals perpetrating the human deeds deemed acceptable/unacceptable in our world, and in direct relation, redemption worthy, or not. By default, that position for me is one of Unconditional Positive Regard. I will let you do your own research on it, but it is an extension of what I said earlier about the problem being the problem, one of the foundational concepts of Narrative Therapy, one that removes the issue as the personal pathology of the person, and places it within its rightful, from where I sit anyway, context.

And before you jump down my throat to join that pitchfork I am gagged with as a matter of course, this does not mean that I co-sign bad, hurtful, criminal, self and/or other-harming behavior. It simply means that I do my best to see the human as human, and as such, as someone who came by their stuff honestly, not, as the sum of their actions. Because really, if I were to tally the total of all my least palatable moments over the last 53 years, calculate the total carnage that some of my actions created, I could not allow me, or you, to think of me as amazing, awesome, or anything useful, what-so-ever. And please, I beg you not to come at me with ‘but look how you turned it around’ or similarly gag-reflex provoking commentary. I did not stop until the second I stopped, did not change until there was no other recourse, and most importantly, please, take this piece to heart: had there not been folks, specifically two human service helper types, who looked for, and saw the well-hidden humanity and potential, inside some of the outwardly visible sub-human actions, I would not be here to accept the amazing and other accolades.

I would be dead. Period. End of (this) story, for now.

Yours, with all the love I have, always,
MyLa: Unfiltered.

Share this:

  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window)
  • Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window)
  • Click to print (Opens in new window)
  • More
  • Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Skype (Opens in new window)

Like this:

Like Loading...

Posted by ~MyLa | Filed under In the Service of Other Humans, My World(s), The 'L' Word

≈ Leave a comment

Image

Marcela Moment of the Month: The Spam List – May, 2014

07 Wednesday May 2014

Tags

Emotional IQ, Fear, Humanity, Life, Love, Relationships

because I can only love a man who does not simply tolerate my penchant for playgrounds, he must be a man who gets his play-groove on with me…

This, is the story of a 52-year-old woman with an above average IQ, and the Emotional Intelligence Quotient (EIQ), of a four-year old. I will apologize to all of the four-year olds in the world here and now, they probably would have figured this one out long before I did.

As I believe we all do, I have some emotional triggers and fears, primarily surrounding the people I hold dearest; my child, my mother, my closest friends, and the man in my life, known as the BB-Dragon-Knight (BB-D-K). I live in a different town than all of these, my favourite humans, so one of the ways in which I stay connected, and ‘OK’ in these relationships, is through the various and respective methods, means, and patterns of communication specific to each one. My mother and I phone, she does not do text, my son and I phone regarding most things and text regarding the little stuff, like when I will next come by in my work travels, to receive and reciprocate our weekly drive-by-hugging. The BB-D-K and I phone whenever possible in the evenings, and text often, on days and nights we do not spend together. Always, we let the other know when we will spend time with the other important folks in our lives, and may be somewhat incommunicado. I like this. I do not need to be in contact 24/7 when we are apart, but given past experiences, I like this a lot. Apparently, I am very attached to it. This particular Marcela Moment of the Month (yes, I realize it is early on, but really, it’s a gooder), pertains to him, the BB-D-K, and a complete and utter disregard for what I often advise and model for the folks I work with; critical and logical thinking skills during times of stress, emotional and otherwise. Take my advice people, I was not using it.

The trigger, as they generally do, originates in my past, and the experience of hostage-takings in e-communication by humans I once cared about, as well as a life fraught with some fairly horrific circumstances, events, and much loss. But still, it has nothing to do with the present. Absolutely nothing. I have no evidence what-so-ever, in several months of time spent with this truly soulful, smart, honest, humble, loyal, and adorable-as-all-get-out human being, that logically speaking, would support or lead me to the place I have spent too much time in over the course of our relationship, and particularly the four days preceding this one.

He is, other than my ManChild, the only human on the planet who does not simply tolerate or put up with; my inside and outside crazy, my flying pigs and other winged creature tattoos, my inner and outer child, my intense, at times over-the-top passion about issues related to my work and the world we live in. He is one of two humans on earth, who engage , encourage and indulge  these traits and passions, fully, without reservations. He gets on the swing and climbs up on the playground equipment, and he always worries and admonishes me when I swing too high and make the chains bounce, or when I spin myself in circles until I’m dizzy and wobbly-kneed, just for the amazingness of it all. He admonishes not because he thinks it is silly for me to do these things, but because he could not stand to see me hurt.

So what happened? Well let me tell you! I spent a full day and two lovely evenings enjoying him and his surroundings, and left refreshed and energized early Friday afternoon to go into what are my most gruelling workdays, the weekends. We communicated via text message at approximately 11:00 a.m. on Friday morning prior to my departure, LOL-ing about the crazy goings on in our respective work worlds that morning. I went about my work, sent him a couple of texts, photos of interest from my day, and the ritual good-night-text in the evening as I lay in my own bed and counted him as one of the all-time best blessings in my life. I did not get one back, since early in the day, or the ritual good-morning-text, but I have some idea of what his work world looks like so I did not fret, too much. Yet.

By Saturday evening I was somewhat anxious and memories of e-communication-hostage-takings began to creep into my mind, and fear began to grip my oh-so-vulnerable heart. I am a human service professional after all, and so I counselled self: self, remember to examine, very thoroughly examine, the evidence:  1) Do you have anything to base this anxiety and fear upon where this human is concerned? No, I do not self. Thank you self. 2) Do you realize, self, that you are likely projecting historical events into your present, and that there is likely a logical explanation for the ‘dead air space’ you fear so much? Yes, self, I realize that, but I cannot think of a logical explanation, I have right out asked him why the dead air space, and told him in several texts that I am concerned, worried that something has happened to him, or someone close to him. 3) Seriously self, relax, you know he is likely with one of his children, or just sleeping a lot, the last several weeks have been gruelling in his world too! 4) Ok, I’m certain he will say good morning, I will try to sleep. Fail, epic fail. No visions of sugar plums dancing in this self’s head, just horrible accident scenes, and worse, a ‘Dear Marcela’ letter in my snail-mail box.

The brain ran on and on into Sunday morning, all that day at work, and through the night while I frantically tried to finish a very important court report involving some very important little people in my work world. I was to to be in court, a nasty commute away, first thing in the morning. The report completed, tired, anxious self dressed and mostly together enough to testify coherently, I went to do my job. And then I drove another two hours to look for the BB-D-K, and find out what horrible life tragedy had befallen him, someone he loves, or be-still-my-heart, to hear what I knew in my core had to be the real truth; he is done with me. He will kick me to the curb the way others had, but gently, for he is not like them. I will take it like the proud woman I am, drive home crying like a child once he is well out of sight, and begin the process of grieving, immediately followed by a bout of workaholic feelings-stuffing, and bacon. Large quantities of bacon, when I was able to stomach food again. I knew exactly how it would go.

I reminded my tortured self during that drive, that my BB-D-K was not anything like anyone else I had ever dated, been married to, or in a relationship with, so far from it in fact. But the thoughts and fears that had tumbled in my head for the better part of three full nights and almost four days now, had taken such hold that it was impossible to counsel self logically at this point, and the panic grew and eventually took over, as I neared my destination. So I re-focused all of my energy on driving safely, no point in arriving dead, it was already such a mess!

I arrived in front of his house to find his parking spot empty, and my heart sank. It was his day off, where was he? I knew it, he was in the hospital, haemorrhaging to death, or tending to someone he loved in a major crisis, and he was unable to let me know. Or worse, he left town because he could not bear to hurt my feelings face to face, and I would receive the dreaded ‘Dear Marcela,’ letter in the mail.

I left a note in his door, and almost started to drive back, broken, to my own town and abode, but decided to take a final swing on the swing set with an ocean view, at the end of his road. It was the saddest swing, ever. I could not see the view for the tears, and could only think about when he stood on the play set directly in front me, several weeks ago, when we were still together, BB-D-K and Myla. My BB-D-K. His Myla. It was tragic. I sent a text to let him know that I had been at his home, that there was a note in the door, and that coming to look for him was no more of a choice than when I was worried sick about my ManChild recently, and hunted him down, also.

And then something told me to turn my head toward the road, and I as I did, I spied his Pathfinder coming down the hill! I listened for where the motor went off, yes, just down the road, where the Dragon lair is! I waited, surely he would see my vehicle and come find me, apologize, explain what horrible fate had found him or someone else, why he was unable to communicate with me for almost four torturous days.

I walked toward his house but he was not on the road coming toward me, so legs shaking, I made my way around to the back, to where he always sits, enjoying a stunning ocean view. He was there. My BB-D-K, alive, not bleeding, looking tired but very well indeed! He said “hey you,” I said “would you like me to leave,”? he said “no, of course not, what do you have to say”? I said “don’t you have anything to say to me about dead air space for almost 4 days”? He said: “I sent you texts on Friday to let you know I would be with my son, and Saturday, and yesterday, and I wondered why you were getting all upset.” I was stunned, I told him I didn’t get any, showed him my phone, our thread, there was just me to him in there since Friday morning… what the hey!?! I asked him to send me a text, he did, I saw it go out, but it never landed in my phone… what the hey?

And then: a few minutes of poking around in contact settings, the settings for his contact info specifically and I find this option: ‘Remove this number from SPAM list.’ Seriously??? I had accidentally sent his number to the SPAM list, a function I did not even know existed, but now remembered seeing, and ignoring, some weird little message about SPAM coming up, right after I sent the Friday morning text before I left. Not once, did it occur to either of us that I was not receiving his messages. His phone showed them as sent, my phone worked, I tested it, several times a day over those four days, by texting self, obsessively, and then getting irritated every time it landed in my phone because it wasn’t from him.

OMG, really!?! My three sleepless nights, my four unable-to-eat or focus-on-anything-else days, my very own, personal hell, all of it, was entirely and utterly, self-imposed. I had been outsmarted by my very own Smart-phone, and tortured, by the EIQ of my inner four-year old. Wow!

So, the moral of this story has several key elements: 1) do not, under any circumstances assume that simply because you have sent a text, the recipient has received it. 2) Understand your equipment’s various functions, and most importantly 3) do not, like me in this series of unfortunate events, paint your present with the dirty paint brush of the past. It makes for a muddy and diluted painting. It did not serve me well, never has, and this hard won lesson is just one more indication that it never will. I have worked very hard to understand my past, forgive those who harmed me and others I love, and move on. I am not perfect at it, yet.

I sit now, this moment, with masses of gratitude for the man known as BB-Dragon-Knight, for he had a choice in the perspective from which he could view my comedy of errors: 1) She’s bat-shit crazy or 2) she really cares about me. He chose 2, and added that he quite likes my crazy. Further; he was less irritated than worried, about me getting so upset, kind of in the same way he worries that I might hurt myself when I swing too high, or spin myself in circles. Because he cares about me, and he does not like to see me hurt, let alone be the cause of my pain.

With all the brilliant insight I have at this moment, tongue firmly implanted in cheek, and so much deep, honest caring, yours as always,

~Marcela (Myla): Unfiltered.

 

Share this:

  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window)
  • Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window)
  • Click to print (Opens in new window)
  • More
  • Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Skype (Opens in new window)

Posted by ~MyLa | Filed under Poetry

≈ 3 Comments

Image

Through the scary…

16 Sunday Mar 2014

Tags

Fear, Humanity, Life, Personal Power, Poetry, Self

Hold my hand
and I
will hold your fear
hold my fear
and I
will hold your pain
hold my pain
and I
will hold your heart
hold my heart
and I
will hold your love
safe
with mine
hold my love
safe
with yours
and I
will walk with you
through the scary…
 
~MyLa.
 

It went on for weeks, with little to no reprieve, day and night. Triggered, unknowingly and unintentionally, by a completely unrelated, but to my still raw heart, similar circumstance, and by what the man known as Dickwad-what’s-his-name (and others) inflicted on my mind, body, heart and soul. For so much longer than I ever ought to have allowed.

It, was an anxiety and spiritual pain too profound to articulate well, at this point, while I still stabilize. I took action yesterday, that for some reason I was terrified to take. It was a phone call, a question, and it wasn’t because I got the answer I wanted to hear that it began to subside, it was because the terror of not taking action, and enduring another moment became too much for me to bear, for another second.

It has been one of the most frightening times that I remember in recent years, but the silver lining is, I thought about escapes, of every ilk, variety and severity, and even utilized some that directly contradict the way in which I strive to live my life, free of the consumeristic traps of the ‘marketed dream’ (stay tuned for that one). I bought art, Banksy ;) one dress, books and a pair of shoes, but chose what I believe to be the lesser of all the evils I could subject myself, and the people who love me to. I rescheduled some work appointments when it was too much to keep my people safe, after all, I make a living directly off the backs of the suffering and pain of others, but no-one was cancelled, and to the best of my knowledge, I did no harm.

I got up every day and survived, hating every moment, and savouring every millisecond that I was able to think about, focus, pay attention to, see, hear, feel, touch, taste, experience, something, anything, beautiful in the world. The real tragedy of it, is seeing how much I hated myself. I thought about the person I love most in the world, and when he told me about punching himself in the face until it was swollen almost beyond recognition, because he hurt so badly, about what someone else did. I thought about that when I was driving down the highway and caught myself smashing my head into the head rest of my seat because I couldn’t stop the fear, kill the pain, kill the pain, kill the pain. I thought about the suffering that this truth, the truth that led to the trigger, has caused me, and I thought about how I should have acted differently 34 years ago and wouldn’t be here now had I not been so desperate, then, when I was 18, and broken.

He, Dickwad-what’s-his-name, or anyone like him, should not, will not, ever get that kind of power over me again. Some day, I will give you the details, and pray, that this particular lesson is learned, for real for real. Funny thing, it all started because I cannot live (with) a lie, I had to tell someone about something that has caused me untold pain for 34 years. I did not hear the words I got back, I did not examine the evidence against my fearful thoughts well enough to see and believe what was real. I allowed white space and the past to inform my thoughts and feelings. I believed my own (mis)interpretations of what is happening. I allowed
F alse
E vidence to
A ppear
R eal.
It could very well have cost me a very beautiful thing, the next great thing. It is here. I will cherish it more than ever. Thank you for being there through it with me. You may not know the details, and you may not realize how you helped, I may not even know you personally, but you were there, I felt you. And for that, I thank the God of my understanding, and you, always those of you, that know, me, my humanity. Thank you, for not letting me get lost in the forest, thank you, for holding my hand, through the scary.

Yours, as always,

~Myla: Unfiltered. March 16, 2014.

Share this:

  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window)
  • Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window)
  • Click to print (Opens in new window)
  • More
  • Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Skype (Opens in new window)

Posted by ~MyLa | Filed under My World(s), Poetry, Unfettered

≈ 2 Comments

Subscribe

  • Entries (RSS)
  • Comments (RSS)

Archives

  • September 2022
  • July 2022
  • February 2022
  • September 2021
  • July 2021
  • June 2021
  • May 2021
  • April 2021
  • March 2021
  • February 2021
  • December 2020
  • November 2020
  • October 2020
  • September 2020
  • August 2020
  • July 2020
  • June 2020
  • May 2020
  • April 2020
  • March 2020
  • February 2020
  • January 2020
  • December 2019
  • November 2019
  • October 2019
  • September 2019
  • August 2019
  • July 2019
  • June 2019
  • May 2019
  • April 2019
  • March 2019
  • February 2019
  • January 2019
  • December 2018
  • November 2018
  • October 2018
  • August 2018
  • July 2018
  • June 2018
  • May 2018
  • March 2018
  • February 2018
  • January 2018
  • December 2017
  • November 2017
  • October 2017
  • July 2017
  • June 2017
  • March 2017
  • February 2017
  • January 2017
  • December 2016
  • November 2016
  • October 2016
  • September 2016
  • August 2016
  • July 2016
  • June 2016
  • May 2016
  • March 2016
  • January 2016
  • October 2015
  • September 2015
  • August 2015
  • July 2015
  • June 2015
  • April 2015
  • March 2015
  • January 2015
  • December 2014
  • November 2014
  • October 2014
  • September 2014
  • August 2014
  • July 2014
  • May 2014
  • March 2014
  • February 2014
  • January 2014
  • December 2013

Categories

  • 30 Days 30 Poems
  • Commentaries: On what matters to me
  • In the Service of Other Humans
  • Life Lessons & Stories
  • My World(s)
  • Poetry
  • Rants & Other Musings: Unfiltered-Raw
  • Tales out of School
  • The 'L' Word
  • The Other 'L' Word
  • Unfettered

Meta

  • Register
  • Log in

Recent Posts

  • (Still) Intense
  • Coming Soon…
  • The Untold Story of My (M)other Hero
  • What I know, the only thing I know for sure…
  • Was there a different, more unifying solution?
  • Gag Me With the Decapitated Head of a Martyr… or Two… The Origins of Valentine’s Day…
  • ‘Petrie,’ and other Saturday Musings…
  • Good bye my friend…
  • Tomáš Mrnka – October 24, 1935 – July 07, 1971
  • Mindset / Personality: Fixed? Not in my world…

Archives

  • September 2022
  • July 2022
  • February 2022
  • September 2021
  • July 2021
  • June 2021
  • May 2021
  • April 2021
  • March 2021
  • February 2021
  • December 2020
  • November 2020
  • October 2020
  • September 2020
  • August 2020
  • July 2020
  • June 2020
  • May 2020
  • April 2020
  • March 2020
  • February 2020
  • January 2020
  • December 2019
  • November 2019
  • October 2019
  • September 2019
  • August 2019
  • July 2019
  • June 2019
  • May 2019
  • April 2019
  • March 2019
  • February 2019
  • January 2019
  • December 2018
  • November 2018
  • October 2018
  • August 2018
  • July 2018
  • June 2018
  • May 2018
  • March 2018
  • February 2018
  • January 2018
  • December 2017
  • November 2017
  • October 2017
  • July 2017
  • June 2017
  • March 2017
  • February 2017
  • January 2017
  • December 2016
  • November 2016
  • October 2016
  • September 2016
  • August 2016
  • July 2016
  • June 2016
  • May 2016
  • March 2016
  • January 2016
  • October 2015
  • September 2015
  • August 2015
  • July 2015
  • June 2015
  • April 2015
  • March 2015
  • January 2015
  • December 2014
  • November 2014
  • October 2014
  • September 2014
  • August 2014
  • July 2014
  • May 2014
  • March 2014
  • February 2014
  • January 2014
  • December 2013

Follow Us

  • Facebook

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Follow Marcela: Unfiltered on WordPress.com

Start a Blog at WordPress.com.

  • Follow Following
    • Marcela: Unfiltered
    • Join 118 other followers
    • Already have a WordPress.com account? Log in now.
    • Marcela: Unfiltered
    • Customize
    • Follow Following
    • Sign up
    • Log in
    • Report this content
    • View site in Reader
    • Manage subscriptions
    • Collapse this bar
 

Loading Comments...
 

    %d bloggers like this: