Who I am: A 55+ female human, in pursuit of self and happiness, with what has been described as an ‘interesting,’ past and life. Personally, given all of the amazing folks I have met over the years, I do not believe that my experience is any more interesting or hard-won, than that of so many others, I just happen to wear my life on the outside, make it more visible. Endeavor to normalize what is considered abnormal, by those I call the boxed. I am all of the people signed in the various writings here, one and the same, just different, depending on the moment in time and the circumstances driving said moment.
What I do: To Live: Practice authenticity. What that translates to in the practical sense: I live a life as free of chemical additives (alcohol and other drugs, dirty food) and other distractions (consumerism and buying into the marketed ‘life’), as is possible. Given my humanity and the fact that while I reside in a bear and other wildlife rich area, I am not Grizzly-Adamette, completely isolated from these distractions. I function in the marketed big-box worlds sold to us as success and the dream, by our so-called leaders, the conglomerates which actually govern the world, and other ‘successful’ folk. I strive to leave as minimal a physical footprint during my lease on this planet, as possible. I often fail attaining the lofty heights I set for myself in all areas of life, but I never, ever, give up. This a strength, but also my Achilles’s heel.
What I do: For a living: My title is Independent Registered Social Worker and Family Development Counsellor, my academic background is Social Work, my never-ending Masters degree is in counselling psychology. I am primarily self-employed, but also keep my foot in the doors of systems I abhor, but believe to do good work in. What that translates to in the practical sense: I provide various services to other humans experiencing vulnerability and humanity, systemic and individual oppression and struggle. The goal is always, to work myself out of a job, support folks in getting to where they no longer require my support, otherwise I’m doing it wrong.
What my Blog is about: My experience in the world thus far, how it might relate to your experience, how we can learn from one another… from our pain, our triumphs, our ridiculosity, yes, that is a word… My busy brain began to formulate words and tell the tales of my life in-utero, it is not a choice, it is a life-force. I have been asked many times why I out myself, my abnormal life, open it up to scrutiny and then get hurt by attacks on my past and person; my response is always the same: My life is the only one I have any right to write about, in any detail, the only one I have any experience living, and I believe, with all that I am, that hiding real life, the pretty and not-so-pretty parts, only serves to feed the box. The one I have been breaking out of since birth. The one that continuously re-invents itself to tell me how I ought to think about, behave in, respond to, my own life. I am done hiding, living in box-created fear.
My purpose is self-serving as well as service-minded; in growing the she-ballz to stop worrying that my life and experience will offend and by extension continue to wreak havoc on me, my heart, my life, I have enjoyed moments, of freedom and comfort in my personal skin that is as addictive as the drugs I used many lives ago, to kill the pain kill the pain kill the pain.
It is my most fervent desire for you to grow the same ballz, stop trying to just think outside the box, blow that sucker the hell up once and for all. Find you, do what you love, not despite what has happened to you, in your world(s), but because of it.
I have been described as having been gifted with a very large spirit; as a result, my thoughts, musings, writings, rants, stories and poems, past, present and sometimes future, from the worlds I occupy; exist out loud, because that is how I think, communicate, process… live, love. Above all, I live and I love, out loud, and with everything the Universe has seen fit to provide me with. Me’n Emile both…
“If you ask me what I came into this life to do, I will tell you: I came to live out loud.”
― Émile Zola
The flip-side of that, is that I require more and solitude, not to be confused with isolation, for regeneration. Today’s world and some of my roles in it exhaust me.
My Request to you: If you like something you read here, please feel free to share, keeping in mind that you are sharing my personal life, my writing, and while I believe strongly that experience and words are meant to be shared, please link back to me and cite your sources. Please also let me know what you think, I welcome all perspectives, but vehemently, reserve the right to edit, delete, block, report, disrespectful (to me or any other individual/group/cause) comments of any ilk or variety. With many thanks and all the love and respect I have, for all of us,
~Marcela, always unfiltered, and sometimes even, appropriate.
I have spent a little time reading your blog the last couple evenings. It seems to me to be extraordinarily honest, I mean who would make this shit up? It is raw and well…brave. I have rarely allowed myself the level of frankness that you seem to take for granted. I both admire and fear that quality. I was hoping to gain a quick understanding of a new acquaintance, good luck with that eh? I will be following your musings with interest.
nothing quick, simple, or made up, not even embellished in my lives and worlds, past or current… I decided to stop feeding the sharks when it became clear that hiding the truth, mine and that of so many others, actually chums their waters… thanks for the comments, much appreciated :)