The roar of the culvert spewing forth the runoff, raging like the internal and external storms of the night previous, temporarily assuages my tinnitus and pressure addled brain, with this other, din. I walk on leaving the culvert behind, and, with the relentless vengeance of the intruders in my body, they cut anew; the razor-sharp edges of my current reality and I wonder: why I still choose to live this wounded and broken, life(?). Parker, Dorothy that is, in all her glory and folly calls on me, again, to live another day for while increasingly troublesome, my vision endeavors to see, that “cherry bough gone white with Spring,” and so I walk on, desperately seeking; the next “prettiest, thing.” ~Marcela: not done yet, according to Parker anyway. 02, 02, 2020
The hardest goodbye... on March 16th of this year, my closest, most loyal, most enduring friend Sue Graves, and David Johnson, experienced every parent's worst nightmare. It is hard to believe that this vibrant young man has been gone for six months, and even harder to scribe the ditty I promised at his send-off on March 24th, as I collected 'Miller-words' from all the folks who loved him so much...
MILLERESQUE Dear Miller Robert Clayton Johnson, in March we gathered on that day our sorrow-laden hearts were heavy, but we had some shit to say! ‘I had to stay alive to raise him,’ said your mama Sue – ‘no other ever would or could, what else was I to do’?!? You were a handful Millsie, unconventional and true, and then there was that awkward story, of when you had to poo… It went rollin down your pant leg, then you gave that shit a toss said ‘I, don’t need no old-man toilets,’ my kid still thinks, you’re the Boss! Your shenanigans were legendary hell on wheels and cars off roads, same goes for your vocabulary bitches assholes motherfuckers, shitty faggot-toads! Your delivery was impeccable, the timing most inglorious but with a heart the size of Texas, for THIS you were notorious! Ryan Scotty Garret, said you’d give your shirt for anyone, they just had to say they need it many walked with so much more, Millerish won out, where brain and logic ceded. Solid, stand-up and insatiable, an explosive combination hilarious ridiculosity, a most Milleresqe conglomeration! Loving, kind and house-trained, we got the real-life scoop Chantelle sang high your chef-ly praises, yeah, Wiener Water Soup! And then there was your name-sake Jay Miller, Boston Bruins Handsome devil just like you Left girls’ hearts in ruins </3 So as today marks 6 whole months since that darkest day, I finally scribe this ditty my heart in utter disarray. I went to sit with other dead, earlier this week, thought about your parents tears still rolling down their cheeks. And then there’s all the sibs, Robin Kevin Haleigh, spouses Kat Salena Steven their hearts too are breaking daily footing's still uneven... For we're all uncertain, how to navigate this most unwelcome path, and our feelings often vacillate between broken pain and wrath. And though our hearts will but grow scars never truly heal, know that you, your life, your damned departure, are one BigFuckingDeal! ~Marcela, </3 September 16, 2016.