bottom is…
a cockroach infested hell-hole
freezing sweat
dripping from pores
a body’s unwilling response to a greed for more
junk
 
single-minded purpose…
replaces life
darkness replaces vision
demonic drive replaces purpose
perspective
is
lost
human being
becomes
human
waste
 
can’t feel…
anything
but crawling, and
fear
death
by overdose
could be welcome
dark, lonely, and
cold
so very very, cold
can’t
make it
stop
 
in some foreign room, I…
sit down, shut up
the chair, as cold as my heart
numb
from years
decades?
of toxic freezing substance
numb the memories, fill the void
in a constant refrain, of
kill the pain kill the pain
kill
the
fucking
PAIN
 
look at, listen to…
the junkies
trying to  
kill the pain, killing them
killing me, just kill me
and
make it
stop
 
stories of…
wimps and whiners
need some stupid program, get a grip
on yourselves
shivering cold disgust, at the weakness
theirs, mine
losers
go to hell
more sickening than
junk, would feel good
need junk, now,
to
make it
stop
 
the alternative…
dereliction, dehumanization, (more)demoralization
dirty alleys, dirty needles, dirty men
cold endless blocks, score
junk, warm
in an instant, then
sweating ice
one foot in front of the other, too sick
too tired
too cold in drizzling wet
walk fool walk, don’t think
about selling a soul
to the devil junk-man
so very cold,
when
he touches you
there
 
junk…
makes it
stop
go back
run
to the room, where
the frozen tundra
of your core
thaws ever so slightly when
a whiner, a loser
a junkie
tells a story
yours
 
a hand reaches in…
holds your heart
safe
for the first time
ever
understanding
hope flickers
warm
don’t
let it
stop 
 
~M.  February 17th, 2004 – reflections